LIfe Today

So once again, it's been quite a while since I've updated my page, things have been a little crazy but really good as usual! I started a new job, around mid-August and it's taken a little getting used to. The job itself is awesome! I'm in the same line of work that I've been doing since graduating college (marketing) and I work for an awesome company! This company really believes that a happy employee makes a good employee and I finally feel that this is a place I will stay for a long time. I must admit, that although I am very happy here, it has taken some getting used to. After joining my team, I found out I was once again low man on the totem pole - which for those of you who know me well know this is not where I want to be! So, after a couple of weeks of frustration and feeling beat down I finally surrendered. I talk to my dad every day and in our conversations I generally discover what my real issues are. So, during one of these conversations, I explained how I've been trying to prove myself for so long and it was then that I realized how much I've been fighting life - always striving, climbing, struggling and clawing my way to where I thought I was supposed to be. I finally stood back, took a look at the bigger picture and realized I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and for the first time in my life was okay with that. The big picture is: I have a really good job, I like what I do, being low man on the totem pole means there is more room for advancement, and I have tons of learning opportunitities available. I also had to take a hard look at my perception of life. I've been trained since as far as I can remember that the ultimate goal in life is to win. I realized a while back that life is not pass or fail and I was okay with that, however I failed to apply that believe to my career. It has taken me this long to finally realize that God is not going to judge me based on how far I get up that corporate ladder - seems like a pretty simplistic concept yet it took me 32 years to come up with! So, I've finally realized that maybe my life isn't supposed to be all about work and climbing that corporate ladder and that maybe (quite possibly) God has something so much better in store for me. Upon this realization I can't begin to tell you the relief and serenity that have followed. So, I'm sure you're thinking "oh, then everything is great" well, not quite - I've had to go through a lot of adjustments to be okay with this new relief & serenity! First I realized I had no idea what in the heck serenity was or how to deal with it - I just felt really bored! For the first time ever, I didn't have a laundry list of "things" to do or better phrased I didn't have anything to fight for or anyone to prove myself to. Luckily I moved recently so it did give me something to do (a little chaos) while I finally relaxed into my job and new philosophies. I will tell you, it's absolutely amazing to see how God can work in your life when you stop fighting Him and His plan. I never thought I was fighing God, but by trying to run my own life and get to where I thought I needed to be I neglected to see or be open to what God has in store for me and let Him actually work in my life - in short, I was trying to run the show! Over the past year, I've struggled with the phrase "letting go & letting God", not really sure how to apply this phrase to my life. I've been in control for so long, I had no idea of how to surrender myself to God's plan, not societies plan, not what others think success is or how it's measured, and not by how many friends you have. Which brings me to another topic, I have really been struggling with the whole friends things lately as I've seen a lot of them come & go within my little group and it's hard not to take it personal and not to feel defeated and sometimes lonely. So, yet again I've been faced with another realization - maybe I was able to be a positive person in their life for a little while and maybe they will remember me years from now as a glimmer of hope for what life can be like and how good it can be. I also realized that maybe these people who come & go are messages and reminders of how fast life can change. I was failing to see what good could come from having a friend for a day, a month or even a year until a good friend of mine reminded me of that poem that talks about people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So, once again I am trying to surrender to God's plan, hoping that I am doing what I was supposed to do and be there when my friends were in need of a friend or maybe be here for their return. I've learned a whole lot these past few months and while life is still a bit chaotic I've stopped (or I should say I am learning to stop) fighting life. I'm working on acceptance of people, places and things and taking the time to be grateful for the wonderful things in my life!

Thank you JT for sharing your wonderful post, and reminding me that I need to slow down a little - again!